Monday, October 15, 2012

Breaking the Silence

Self Indulgence in Hawaii
I've taken a very long break from blogging.   It has been a very busy summer, but I just lost interest in blogging for a while ..... or perhaps I simply had nothing to say.  This blog is simply my own therapy for documenting the steps and events in my life.    So the exceedingly hot summer which involved three trips to Branson and two weeks in Hawaii were certainly worthy of talking about .... maybe it was because when we were 'going somewhere' I was working every single hour  I could get to help pay for the fun we were having.
Then I was doing my Bible Study this morning from Asbury's Prayer Journal.   And I read James 4:3 "When you ask,  you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."   Oooouch,  I am working my head, hands and heart off just for my own pleasures?    Maybe it is time to retire and slow down.

Selfish in the Lava Spa
 So here is the prayer:  "Lord, bring to light what is hidden in darkness and expose the motives of my heart so that nothing will hinder my faith and service."    It is time for self-examination of my heart, so here are the questions I am challenged to ask of myself:

+  How does shopping for anything make you feel?  I really don't consider myself much of a shopper.  When I need to buy something, I just want to go get it and get out of the store.
+  Why do you buy the brands and styles you do?  Why buy things just because they are on sale?      I'm not all that much into brands and styles but I do have a major problem with only wanting to buy things that are on sale.    I don't think I necessarily buy things just because they are on sale but I only want to buy the sale items.
+  Why spend $20 on pizza when it could buy a mosquito net that will save an entire family from malaria or help free a woman from human trafficking?   We definitely eat out too much.  However, I've gotten into the 'groupon/living social' community to save and often use those for other family members so that they can enjoy eating out.  I do also contribute  good amount to the needy and do it with a happy heart.

Self Enjoyment on the Maui Beach
 +  Why do you take 4 vacations a year when you could take one and send three young adults to the mission field?   If I took four vacations a year it would be because I am 74 years old and don't know how much longer it will be that I can travel.   I work hard to pay for those vacations and I do help send kids to summer camps, home schooling classes and contribute to missions.    I can do better so I will work on that.
+  Why are your closets and garage filled to capacity?  That is something we are working on just because we know they are 'things' that mean nothing to anyone after we are gone.   We've got a long way to go but the closets have gotten better over the past 5 or 6 years.    I definitely  need to clean out -- I just have not taken the time to do it.   Why????  God forgive me, I must clean out and give away.  I've always hated having garage sales, I prefer to just give it away.
+  Why do you own 10 Bibles, 5 coats, 40 pairs of shoes and kitchen gadgets you never use?  Once again, God forgive me.  It is not that I have any special attachment to the stuff .. it just takes time to get rid of it.   Why or why???? is it because I am lazy ..... I believe that must be it.   
+  Why are your spare rooms empty when 3,000+ children are crowded into Oklahoma's shelter today?   Because I raised 5 children and am enjoying the 'empty nest'    I think this is total selfishness.....totally selfishness in myself.    Ouch!  And we did one of those kids some 20 years ago and experience the heartbreak and pain that accompanies troubled children.  We've invited guest into our home and experienced the pain of having to ask them to leave please.  However, all of that is selfishness on my part.
+  Why did God bless you if not for you to be a blessing to others?  That is exactly right, every blessing is to be shared.   I do share but I can always do more.  Right now a lot of my sharing is with needy grandchildren and kids who mismanage their own resources.    I'm learning and I'm endeavoring to do better.

Self Pleasure looking into a Crater

+  What is the younger generation in your life learning as a result of your habits?    Well, the grand kids are learning that Pops and Nans can be a lot of fun and that we love them and want to spend time with them.   We do make efforts to sow good seed into their lives. 

The reason why I overindulge myself??????
1.  I have experiences scarcity in the past.
2  I believe that God's Word teaches that He wants to prosper and bless me and to enjoy his goodness...such as opening up the windows of heaven and pouring out a blessing....and I believe I am to share that blessing.
3.  And I am willing to let go and allow God to speak to me about what he would like for me to do with the resources He has blessed me with. 

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